Lesson #4: Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Lord Dismiss Us with Thy Blessing #163

Lesson: Fidelity in Marriage

The proclamation states that husband and wife should "honor marital vows with complete fidelity."  A misconception in the world today is that infidelity involves solely the commission of sexual acts outside of marriage.  However, being completely faithful to one's spouse requires more than avoiding adultery.  We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sine.  We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with our "heart, might, mind and strength" (D&C 4:2)

Watch the following video:


Researchers and therapists identify different kinds of infidelity.

First is Fantasy Infidelity: This is characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous (such as a person in a chat room) or will likely never be encountered in person (such as a celebrity), or all three.

Read this statement by President Harold B. Lee:

"Thought is the father of an act.  No man ever committed murder who did not first become angry.  No one ever committed adultery without a preceding immoral thought.  The thief did not steal except he first coveted that which was his neighbor's."

It is important to remember, "For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7).

Second type of infidelity is Visual infidelity/Pornography

Visual infidelity, such as pornography, is perhaps the most common type of unfaithfulness.  The Lord has warned us that we should not look upon anyone lustfully.

Read the following statement given by President Kimball:

"There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts, and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. . . . Many acknowledge the vice of physical adultery, but still rationalize that anything short of that heinous sin may not be condemned too harshly; however, the Lord has said many times: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old times, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28).

The third type of infidelity is Romantic infidelity

Romantic infidelity occurs when an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse.  Research by Duncombe and Marsden (2004) suggests that those who are unfaithful as a way to escape everyday life will be disappointed over time, since everyday life has a way of catching up with us.  Initially infidelity can seem spontaneous, romantic, and thrilling.  Over time, the excitement romantic target ceases to be a stranger and routine becomes the enemy of spontaneity.

The last type of infidelity is Sexual Infidelity

"Whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul" (Proverbs 6:32).  In contrast to romantic infidelity, sexual infidelity occurs when a person engages in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage with or without emotional attachment.  It does not begin with adultery; it begins with thoughts and attitudes.  What may start off as fantasy or visual infidelity can evolve into more serious types of infidelity, such as romantic or sexual infidelity, which involves people directly.  Satan will try to convince us that we can find happiness in infidelity.

Share this quote by President Benson:

"Quickly the relationship will sour.  Guilt and shame will set in.  We become fearful that our sins will be discovered.  We must sneak and hide, lie and cheat.  Love begins to die.  Bitterness, jealousy, anger, and even hate begin to grow."

Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy.  In addition to working to strengthen our marriages, we can prevent affairs by being on guard and being fiercely loyal.

It is important that couples set boundaries and are always being on guard.  We must know how to put up appropriate walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of love and communication within our marriage.

The task for every married couple is to maintain complete fidelity and loyalty to the spouse and none other.

Share this quote by President Hinckley:

"Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. . . . Be fiercely loyal to one another."

We must put our spouses first.  All of our relationships with others will be considered secondary when our spouse is foremost in our lives.

"As we construct appropriate boundaries, are fiercely loyal, control thoughts, and put our spouses first, it is unlikely that our marriage will ever be traumatized by infidelity"(Hawkins, Dollahite, Thomas).

"The Family: A Proclamation to the World provides concise counsel to protect us from the spiritual and relational consequences of infidelity.  There is safely and peace in following these commands.  The children of the world are blessed and protected when they are reared by a father and another who honor marital vows with complete fidelity" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Thomas).

Closing Prayer

Activity: Straw Creations

Using a box of plastic drinking straws, build straw creations together.  If you decide to use glue in your structures, the object of the activity is to work together to create a structure of your choice, using only one box of plastic drinking straws and some glue.  Try to use as many drinking straws as possible in your structure.

Treat: Chocolate Pecan Delite

Find the direct link to the recipe here

Ingredients:
  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1 cup of finely chopped pecans
  • 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
  • 1 cup confectioners' 
  • 3 cups frozen whipped topping, thawed
  • 1 (3.9 ounce) package of instant chocolate pudding
  • 1 (3.9 ounce) package of instant vanilla pudding
  • 3 cups milk
  • 2 tablespoons chopped pecans 
Directions:
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  2. In a medium bowl, cut the butter into the flour with a pastry blender or two knives, until mixture resembles course meal.  Stir in pecans, press into bottom of a 9x13-inch baking dish and bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown.  Cool completely.
  3. In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, confectioners' sugar and 1 cup whipped topping with electric mixer until smooth.  In a separate bowl, whisk together chocolate pudding mix, vanilla pudding mix, and milk until there are no lumps.  Combine cream cheese mixture until smooth.  Pour onto cooled crust.  Spread remaining 2 cups of whipped topping on top of pudding mixture. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of chopped nuts over all of it.  Chill in refrigerator until serving. 
Resources:
Text: Hawkins, Alan J., David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper.  Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Practice. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.
Activity: Tolman, B. (1995). Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Fruitia, Colorado: National Family Institute
Treat: http://allrecipies.com/recipe/chocolate-pecan-delite/detail.aspx

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