The FHE Connection: 2012

Lesson #1: The Covenant Marriage Relationship

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth #298

Lesson: The Covenant Marriage

Marriage is a purposeful, divinely created relationship. Couples have God-given covenant obligations to one another and the correct understanding of these doctrines should set in motion the attitudes and behaviors that nurture covenant commitments.

Read the following statement by Elder Bruce C. Hafen regarding the difference between a covenant marriage and a contractual marriage.

"When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions give 50 percent. But covenant companions each give 100 percent. Enough and to spare. Each gives enough to cover any shortfall by the other."

Successful marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.

Share this image:

Notice how the Savior is positioned in this triangle. He is the apex of the triangle. The husband is at one corner and the wife is at the other. If you as a couple grow closer to Christ, in turn, you will grow closer to each other. You cannot do one without another. You as a couple must "come unto Christ and become one."

Now discuss these questions as a couple:

What are you, as a couple, doing now to strengthen your marriage?

-What can you do to grow closer to Christ?

-What can you do to ensure that you are on the same spiritual level?

As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World: "Marriage is essential to His eternal plan.....husband and wife have solemn responsibility to love and care for each other."

Closing Prayer

Activity: Card Stacking

Obtain a deck of cards. See how large you can build your stack of cards together as a couple. Try to use all of the cards in the deck and remember....a strong foundation is key!

Treat: Mini Turtles

Ingredients:

1 package of Rollo's unwrapped
1 bag of mini pretzels
Pecan or walnut pieces

Directions:

Place a sheet of foil on a cookie sheet, lay out pretzels and add a unwrapped Rollo on top. Bake at 200 degrees in oven for 2-3 minutes. Immediately take out and press a pecan or walnut piece into the chocolate. Let cool, until set-up and serve.

References:

Image from: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQyhh_bE4OlXl-KFR1S_70i9bXRuUdgaTEKkNXrD9R-ufNtjd6DguLlfznBldqbB7mirk3OM9Yc-Oodepru0Xz5ZKb8j76t42ulSJLi2zYLCabbYy_tbRF2EnzvZ6icVwBKxx4DQ3fTm4/s1600/Couples+and+Jesus+triangle.jpg

Activity: Tolman, B. (1995). Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Fruita, Colorado: National Family Institute

Treat receipt: http://fheinasnap.blogspot.com/

Lesson #2: Nurturing Love and Friendship

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Love at Home #294

Lesson: Nurturing Love and Friendship

Husband and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other. The Proclamation mentions the responsibility to love and care before any other marital obligations. Christlike love is what lights the way and draws attention to other virtues in marriage.

The Lord has commanded to love as Jesus loves and that it will set the standard for the pure love of Christ to be sought in the marriage. D&C 42:22 states, "Thou shalt love they wife with all thy heart." This applies equally to wives as it does husbands.

Share this Quote by C.S. Lewis, from his book Mere Christianity:

"Love as distinct from "being in love" in not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit....They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other....It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

Love emerges from true friendship. So what can married couples do to nurture love and friendship?

Watch the following video:

1. Get in sync with your partner's love preferences. Find out how your partner likes to receive love and then do those things often.

2. Talk as friends. Sometimes our conversations as couples are all about the business of life, the kids, the problems. Those things need to be handled but it is also important to make time to just simply talk as friends.

3. Set goals for couple interaction. Couples can turn towards each other in many different ways everyday.

These are some suggestions and to summarize the points above:

Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor, or support. Acknowledge feelings by giving a hug and inviting one to talk more about it.
Make an effort to do daily activities together such as reading, doing chores, or sharing a treat.
Have a stress-reducing conversation at the end of the day that involves seeing how ones day went and listening and validating one another.
Do something special every day to communicate affection and appreciation.
Keep track of how well you are connecting emotionally with each other and make enhancements when necessary.

Share this quote by Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy:

"A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship."

Closing Prayer

Activity: Would You Like a Penny?

That is an uncommon, ridiculous question, isn't it? It's amazing to see the many different reactions such a question can produce. Try it yourself. Cash in a dollar for a hundred pennies and give them away for this activity. You might videotape the proceedings from a distance and watch it at home later. Keep a tally of how many people accept and how many reject the money.

Treat: Uncooked Banana Pudding

You can find the direct link to the recipe here.

Ingredients:

8 ounces sour cream
1 (8 ounce) container of frozen whip topping, thawed
1 (5 ounce) package of instant vanilla pudding mix
2 cups milk
1 (16 ounce) package of vanilla wafer cookies
4 bananas peeled and sliced

Directions:

In a large bowl combine sour cream, whipped topping, pudding mix, and milk. Stir well. In the bottom of a trifle bowl or other glass serving dish, put a layer of cookies, then a layer of pudding mix, then a layer of bananas. Repeat until all ingredients are used. Refrigerate until serving.

References:

Activity: Tolman, B. (1995). Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Frutia, Colorado: National Family Institute
Treat: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/uncooked-banana-pudding/detail.aspx.

Lesson #3: Equal Partnership between Men and Woman

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: True to the Faith #254

Lesson: Equal Partnership

Ask this question:

What does the term equality mean?

Equality is all too often used to mean "identity"; that two equal things must be identical to each other. Such usage represents a fallen and harmful understanding of equality that is espoused by Satan who wants us to all be "like himself." The proclamation states that gender is "an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." One gender does not have greater eternal possibility than the other.

Read the following statement given by a member of the Seventy, Elder Earl C. Tingey:

"You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other."

In Latter-day Saint theology, there is a crucial relationship between equality and love, which we must not overlook. Spouses are to enter their marriage relationship convinced of each other's equality. They cannot form a relationship that will be blessed by God if they come to the marriage altar unsure of each other's equality, doubting it, or not even thinking about how it should order their relations. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden was Adam's bold declaration of Eve's equality with him--that they would be "one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

Family Stewardships should be understood in terms of their responsibilities--obligations to one's spouse, not power over one's spouse.

Read this passage from a general conference address given by Elder Richard G. Scott:

"In some cultures, tradition places a man in a role to dominate, control, and regulate all family affairs. That is not the way of the Lord. In some places the wife is almost owned by her husband, as if she were another of his personal possessions. That is a cruel, mistaken vision of marriage encouraged by Lucifer that every priesthood holder must reject. It is founded on the false premise that a man is somehow superior to a woman. Nothing could be farther from the truth."

"The stewardship of the priesthood does not superimpose a hierarchical relationship over the God-ordained equality between husband and wife. A marriage of equal partners will be one in which the partners help one another in their stewardships, indeed, are obligated to help one another as equal partners" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Research has demonstrated that couples who have an equal partnership have happier relationships, better individual well-being, more effective parenting practices, and better-functioning children. Researchers have consistently found that couples who share power are more satisfied and have better overall marital quality than couples were spouses dominates.

"Our heavenly parents wish us joy in our journey of becoming as they are. One of the most precious wellsprings of that joy is a sincerely equal partnership between husband and wife" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Closing Prayer

Activity: Reverse Tie-Dyeing

Dyeing shirts is not only fun but gives you and your spouse a matching outfit for future dates. Reverse tie dyeing makes colors out of a shirt instead of putting new colors on to one. Select an old T-shirt from each of your wardrobes. Twist each T-shirt as tightly as you can, and bind it with rubber bands or tightly tied string. Wearing rubber gloves, immerse the shirts in a bucket of hot water contained two cups of household liquid bleach. Watch the colors being released from the shirts. Stir the shirts occasionally, adding more bleach if desired. When the desired fade is achieved, place the shirts in a washing machine and run them through a normal wash and rinse cycle. When the rinse cycle is finished, removed the rubber bands or string from your shirts and let them air dry.

Treat: Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

You can find the direct recipe link here.

Ingredients:

1 (18.25 ounce) package of dark chocolate cake mix
1 (18.25 ounce) package of light chocolate cake mix
4 eggs
2/3 cup vegetable oil
1 8 ounce package of cream cheese softened
2 cups confectioners sugar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Lightly grease cookie sheets
In a medium bowl, stir together dark and light chocolate cake mix. Add the eggs and oil, mix until well blended. Roll dough into 2 inch balls and place them onto the prepared cookie sheets. Flatten the balls slightly with the back of a spoon.
Bake for 10 to 12 minutes in the preheated oven, until firm. Let them cool on the baking sheet before removing to cool on the wire rack.
To make the filling, beat the cream cheese and confectioner' sugar together until smooth. Spread between two cooled cookies.

References:

Activity: Tolman, B. (1995). Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Fruitia, Colorado: National Family Institute

Dessert: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chocolate-Sandwich-Cookies-II/Detail.aspx

Lesson #4: Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Lord Dismiss Us with Thy Blessing #163

Lesson: Fidelity in Marriage

The proclamation states that husband and wife should "honor marital vows with complete fidelity." A misconception in the world today is that infidelity involves solely the commission of sexual acts outside of marriage. However, being completely faithful to one's spouse requires more than avoiding adultery. We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sine. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with our "heart, might, mind and strength" (D&C 4:2)

Watch the following video:

Researchers and therapists identify different kinds of infidelity.

First is Fantasy Infidelity: This is characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous (such as a person in a chat room) or will likely never be encountered in person (such as a celebrity), or all three.

Read this statement by President Harold B. Lee:

"Thought is the father of an act. No man ever committed murder who did not first become angry. No one ever committed adultery without a preceding immoral thought. The thief did not steal except he first coveted that which was his neighbor's."

It is important to remember, "For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7).

Second type of infidelity is Visual infidelity/Pornography

Visual infidelity, such as pornography, is perhaps the most common type of unfaithfulness. The Lord has warned us that we should not look upon anyone lustfully.

Read the following statement given by President Kimball:

"There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts, and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. . . . Many acknowledge the vice of physical adultery, but still rationalize that anything short of that heinous sin may not be condemned too harshly; however, the Lord has said many times: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old times, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28).

The third type of infidelity is Romantic infidelity

Romantic infidelity occurs when an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. Research by Duncombe and Marsden (2004) suggests that those who are unfaithful as a way to escape everyday life will be disappointed over time, since everyday life has a way of catching up with us. Initially infidelity can seem spontaneous, romantic, and thrilling. Over time, the excitement romantic target ceases to be a stranger and routine becomes the enemy of spontaneity.

The last type of infidelity is Sexual Infidelity

"Whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul" (Proverbs 6:32). In contrast to romantic infidelity, sexual infidelity occurs when a person engages in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage with or without emotional attachment. It does not begin with adultery; it begins with thoughts and attitudes. What may start off as fantasy or visual infidelity can evolve into more serious types of infidelity, such as romantic or sexual infidelity, which involves people directly. Satan will try to convince us that we can find happiness in infidelity.

Share this quote by President Benson:

"Quickly the relationship will sour. Guilt and shame will set in. We become fearful that our sins will be discovered. We must sneak and hide, lie and cheat. Love begins to die. Bitterness, jealousy, anger, and even hate begin to grow."

Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy. In addition to working to strengthen our marriages, we can prevent affairs by being on guard and being fiercely loyal.

It is important that couples set boundaries and are always being on guard. We must know how to put up appropriate walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of love and communication within our marriage.

The task for every married couple is to maintain complete fidelity and loyalty to the spouse and none other.

Share this quote by President Hinckley:

"Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. . . . Be fiercely loyal to one another."

We must put our spouses first. All of our relationships with others will be considered secondary when our spouse is foremost in our lives.

"As we construct appropriate boundaries, are fiercely loyal, control thoughts, and put our spouses first, it is unlikely that our marriage will ever be traumatized by infidelity"(Hawkins, Dollahite, Thomas).

"The Family: A Proclamation to the World provides concise counsel to protect us from the spiritual and relational consequences of infidelity. There is safely and peace in following these commands. The children of the world are blessed and protected when they are reared by a father and another who honor marital vows with complete fidelity" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Thomas).

Closing Prayer

Activity: Straw Creations

Using a box of plastic drinking straws, build straw creations together. If you decide to use glue in your structures, the object of the activity is to work together to create a structure of your choice, using only one box of plastic drinking straws and some glue. Try to use as many drinking straws as possible in your structure.

Treat: Chocolate Pecan Delite

Find the direct link to the recipe here

Ingredients:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup butter
1 cup of finely chopped pecans
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 cup confectioners'
3 cups frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 (3.9 ounce) package of instant chocolate pudding
1 (3.9 ounce) package of instant vanilla pudding
3 cups milk
2 tablespoons chopped pecans

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
In a medium bowl, cut the butter into the flour with a pastry blender or two knives, until mixture resembles course meal. Stir in pecans, press into bottom of a 9x13-inch baking dish and bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool completely.
In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, confectioners' sugar and 1 cup whipped topping with electric mixer until smooth. In a separate bowl, whisk together chocolate pudding mix, vanilla pudding mix, and milk until there are no lumps. Combine cream cheese mixture until smooth. Pour onto cooled crust. Spread remaining 2 cups of whipped topping on top of pudding mixture. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of chopped nuts over all of it. Chill in refrigerator until serving.

Resources:
Text: Hawkins, Alan J., David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Practice. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.
Activity: Tolman, B. (1995). Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Fruitia, Colorado: National Family Institute
Treat: http://allrecipies.com/recipe/chocolate-pecan-delite/detail.aspx

Lesson #5: God's Commandment to Multiply and Replenish the Earth

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Dearest Children, God is Near You #96

Lesson: Multiply and Replenish the Earth

Genesis (1:28) States, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it." God commanded Adam and Eve to have children in order to fill the earth. The earth was designed to be a habitat for spirit children of our Heavenly Father as they come from the premortal existence, are clothed with an earthly tabernacle, and "gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection" (Hill, Carroll, Fellows).

The modern fertility patterns around the world are showing less and less children being born in families and more frequently choosing to have none at all. The decisions to not "multiply and replenish the earth" are having a significance on future generations to come. It is estimated that roughly 2 children are born per family and that number will continue to decrease as time goes on.

The transition to parenthood is a normal stage that takes place in a marriage. Foregoing that stage may affect the stability and satisfaction in a marriage. Married couples who choose to be childless may be more likely to separate and divorce when marital satisfaction decreases. From a gospel perspective, choosing to be a childless family may reduce the potential for earthly couples to become like their heavenly parents.

More and more you see families growing up with just one child and don't have the opportunity to have brothers or sisters, aunts, cousins, or even nieces or nephews. Children without siblings or extended family may have a less than optimal environment for development. "The unselfish acts of service rendered by parents are effective preparations for eternal life" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

As a couple discuss the following questions:

How many children do you hope to have?
What do you want the timing of each child to be?
How will the decisions that you make impact your marriage?

Read the following quote by Elder Dallin H. Oaks:

"Mothers suffer pain and loss of personal priorities and comforts to bear and rear each child. Fathers adjust their lives and priorities to support a family. The gap between those who are and those who are not willing to do this is widening in today's world. . . .We rejoice that so many Latter-day Saint couples are among the unselfish group who are willing to surrender their personal priorities and serve the Lord by bearing and rearing the children our Heavenly Father sends to their care."

"It should be noted that the interpretation of "multiply and replenish" is determined by husband and wife united in counsel with the Lord. There is no mandated quota assigned to the members of the Church" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

President Hinckley states,

"The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth so that we may have joy in our prosperity. There is no greater joy in life than the joy that comes of happy children in good families."

Watch the following video:

Closing Prayer

Activity: Name That Tune

Isn't it amazing how quickly musical groups come and go? Music doesn't have to be old to be out of style. Test your knowledge of the trends in music by playing a version of the classic "Name That Tune." Play a tune and time how long it takes the others to recognize it.

Treat: Eclair Cake

You can find the direct link to the recipe here.

Ingredients:

2 (3.5 ounce) packages of instant vanilla pudding
1 (8 ounce) container of frozen whipped topping, thawed
3 cups milk
1 (16 ounce) package of gram cracker squares
1 (16 ounce) container of chocolate frosting

Directions:

In a medium bowl, thoroughly blend the pudding mixes, milk, and whipped topping.
Arrange a single layer of gram cracker squares on the bottom of a 13x9 inch baking pan. Evenly spread half of the pudding mixture over the crackers. Top with another layer of gram crackers and the remaining pudding mixture. Top with a final layer of gram crackers.
Spread the frosting over the whole cake up to the edges of the pan. Cover, and chill at least 4 hours before serving.

Resources

Text: Hawkins, Alan J., David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.

Activity: Tolman, B. (1995). Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Fruita, Colorado: National Family Institute.

Treat: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Eclair-Cake/Detail.aspx

Lesson #6: Marital Sexuality

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: You Can Make the Pathway Bright #228

Lesson: Marital Sexuality

"A loving Heavenly Father reserved something divine, the physical union between husband and wife, for the heart of marriage. God drew bounds around sacred physical union as something to be experienced with each other as husband and wife. Sex within marriage potentially teaches Heavenly Father's deepest truths about oneness. Sex within marriage is sanctified and serves great spiritual and temporal purposes, but as with most divine opportunities, much depends on the attitudes, timing, and behaviors of the individuals involved" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Marital sexuality serves purposes for both husband and wife. These purposes include becoming one, connecting with God, strengthening the emotional and spiritual bonds of marriage, avoiding temptations, and continuing the chain by bringing children into the family.

Share this quote by Elder Holland on the purpose of marital intimacy:

"Sexual intimacy is. . . .symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life in this wide universe of ours. . . .Indeed, if our definition of sacrament is that act of claiming, sharing, and exercising God's own inestimable power, then I know of virtually no other divine privilege so routinely given to us all--woman or men, ordained or unordained, Latter-day Saint or non-Latter-day Saint--than the miraculous and majestic power of transmitting life, the unspeakable, unfathomable, unbroken power of procreation."

McCarthy and McCarthy (2003) listed attitudes that help promote positive marital sexuality:

Sexual interaction is a healthy component of marriage that need not be a source of negative feelings or guilt.
Married persons deserve to feel good about their bodies and to view sexual expression as a normal, healthy part of their marriage.
Sexuality should be expressed in a way that enhances your intimate, marital relationship and bonds you together.
Couples should strive to create a "we" relationship, where both partners' sharing and pleasure is important as opposed to one person individually focused on what she or he will get out of the experience.

Ask the following questions as a couple:

What are things you can do to create a "we" relationship?
How can you make the other person feel good about their bodies and image?

Marital sexuality serves many purposes that are part of the divine plan of a loving Heavenly Father. A sexual relationship is symbolic of the total union of husband and wife working together as "we" and "us" rather than individually. "One of the important purposes of sexuality in marriage is to express love to each other, to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration, and common purpose" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Closing Prayer

Activity: Mad Poetry

Depending upon the mood your are in, this can either be romantic or ridiculous. While writing poetry together, taking turns writing every other line. Start with a title and then let your spouse write the first line of the poem. If you don't have a knack for poetry, you could write a story in the same fashion.

Treat: Oreo Truffles

You can find the direct link to the recipe here.

Ingredients:

1 package (8 ounce) of cream cheese
1 package of oreo cookies (finely crushed)
2 packages (8 squares each) of bakers chocolate melted

Directions:

Mix cream cheese and 3 cups cookie crumbs
Shape into 1 inch balls. Dip in melted chocolate; place on waxed paper-covered baking sheet. Sprinkle with remaining cookie crumbs.
Refrigerate 1 hour until firm. Store in tightly covered container in refrigerator.

References

Activity: Tolman, B. (1995) Dating for under a dollar 301 ideas. Fruita, Colorado: National Family Institute.

Treat: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/easy-oreo-truffles-95085.aspx

Lesson #7: Faith in Family Life

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: True to the Faith #254

Lesson: Faith in Family Life

Joesph Smith defined faith not only as belief but as "the principle of action in all intelligent beings" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper). As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith and prayer."

Ask this question:

Does faith influence family or does family influence faith?

Share this quote by William, A latter-day Saint father of six:

"When we work with people, it helps us to keep our own struggles in a better perspective and they don't become a burden, just a part of life...I personally believe that people are at their happiest when they're serving others.....Service in the church....is based on doing things for other people, [going] outside yourself."

Holding any religious affiliation is associated with reduced odds of marital infidelity verses those with no religious affiliation. Also, differences in religious involvement seem to portend higher rates of both marital conflict and failure.

Share this quote by the Author Data:

"[If a faith is shared, then children] see that the parents are going to church....but if a house has a parent that's not going....that causes the child to have a misunderstanding of what you're really suppose to do. So it's really beneficial....to be worshiping in the same church. The benefits.....carry through....in the lives of your children."

When men attend church with their wives there are fewer disputes, not only over faith, but also over housework, money, how time is spent, and intimacy. Significant religious differences among spouses have been linked to increased risk of violence and contention. "The greatest blessings the faith has to offer in time and eternity are to be enjoyed by married couples who have jointly made and kept covenants of consecration" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Praying together as a family and reading the scriptures together is the best thing you can do to pull towards Heavenly Father and each other.

Share this quote by Joesph, a non-denominational Christian father:

"There's something that.....when as a family your hearts are pointed together toward the same thing, and it's God, then parenting and economics and space and food and disagreements and hassles and joys and celebrations and all that other stuff.....it works different, it seems different, it feels different....Our family is all oriented in the same way. Christ is king, He's the center, He's what it's all about.....Our faith informs our relationships and everything about us."

Faith serves as valuable coping resources that helps families to navigate the challenges that inevitably find us all.

Closing Prayer

Activity:

Find some old magazines in your house and cut out pictures to make up a story. Share your stories with each other or create a fun story together!

Treat: Truffle Fudge

You can the find the direct link to the recipe here

Ingredients:

2 packages (8 squares each) of Bakers semi-sweet chocolate, divided
1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk
3 tbsp. whipping cream
2 tsp. vanilla

Directions:

Line an 8 inch square pan with foil, the ends of foil extending over the sides. Melt 4 chocolate squares in the microwave as directed on the package; spread onto bottom of prepared pan. Refrigerate 10 min. or until firm.
Microwave remaining chocolate in the same bowl on HIGH 2 to 3 min. or until chocolate is almost melted; stir until completely melted. Add cream and vanilla; mix well. Spread over chocolate layer in pan.
Refrigerate 2 hours or until firm. Use Foil handles to lift fudge from pan before cutting into squares.

Resources:

Text: Hawkins, Alan J., David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.
Activity: http://www.niftydateideas.com/Pages/Cheap-Date-Ideas.html
Recipe: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/truffle-fudge-128128.aspx

Lesson #8: The Healing Powers of Prayer

Opening Prayer

Opening Hymn: Did You Think to Pray? #140

Lesson: How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good times and Heal Relationships in Bad Times

As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, "Successful marriages....are established and maintained on principles of prayer."

Share this quote by Thomas S. Monson as he describes the counsel he received from his sealer at the marriage alter on his wedding day:

"May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another."

Drawing on the powers of heaven through prayer is a powerful resource available to couples that can make a good relationship better and can heal a faltering marriage. Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship. "As individuals pray specifically for the well-being of their partner, they come to perceive their relationship with their person as being holy and sacred" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper). Prayer can be a key component in perceiving a marriage relationship as sacred.

Conflict is inevitable in marriage. For some, unresolved contention and conflict eventually leads to the destruction of the marriage. Prayer, however, can help protect couples from contention and divorce by healing and restoring the relationship back to harmony.

Read this quote by Elder Dallin H. Oaks:

"If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Attonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."

Watch the following video

It has been noted that good communication is also enhanced by prayer. "To pray with specific mention of spouse's good deed (or need) nurtures marriage. Praying specifically for a partner's well-being is especially good for communication" (Hawkins, Draper, Dollahite). Inviting God into the relationship through prayer can help alleviate anger and restore harmony in a marriage. It can also promote a desire to work together. Prayer can aid us in both strengthening and mending our eternally important relationships.

As a couple, discuss your bedtime routine. Does it include individual as well as couple prayers? What can you do to establish a prayer routine to ensure both prayers are being said each night? Set some goals pertaining to family prayers.

Closing Prayer

Activity: Play an old board game that you haven't played in a long time like Monopoly, Life, Candy Land, or Sorry. I am sure those games will bring back memories!

Treat: Easy Peanut Butter Cookies

You can find the direct link to the recipe here.

Ingredients:

1 egg
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup chopped cocktail peanuts
1 tsp. vanilla

Directions:

Heat oven to 350 degree F
Beat egg in large bowl with mixer until foamy. Add remaining ingredients; mix well.
Shape into 1-inch balls. Place, 2 inches apart, on baking sheets. Flatten, in crisscross pattern, with tines of fork.
Bake 10 min. or until lightly browned. Cool on baking sheets 1 min. Remove to wire racks; cool completely.

Resources:

Text: Hawkins, Alan. J., David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.

Activity: http://www.niftydateideas.com/Pages/Cheap-Date-Ideas.html

Recipe: http://kraftrecipes.com/recipes/easy-peanut-butter-cookies-64827.aspx

Lesson #9: Repentance and Forgiveness

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Hymn #97 Lead, Kindly Light

Lesson: Repentance and Forgiveness

Interpersonal transgressions are common in family life and can range from little things like forgetting to do something or committing grievous sins. Worthington said, "forgiveness does not occur in a relationship. It occurs within the forgiver."

Ask one another these questions.

Why is it important to forgive?
Why is it important to repent?

King Benjamin taught that "salvation cometh to none. . . .except it be through repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ."

Share this quote by Elder Dallin H. Oaks:

"The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change. Repenting means giving up all of our practices--personal, family, ethnic, and national--that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change."

Watch the following video:

Repentance and forgiveness have benefits in repairing or mediating damaged family relationships. "Repentance is more than just an apology and is a humbling, all-encompassing experience" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper). These are the following steps to repentance as listed in the manual Gospel Principles:

Recognize the sin. We admit to ourselves that we have done something wrong.
Feel sorrow for the sin. Feeling sorrowful, we are humble and submissive before God, and we come to Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.
Forsake the sing. We stop committing the sin and pledge to never do it again.
Confess. We should confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins that might affect our standing in the Church to proper ecclesiastical authority.
Make restitution. Insofar as possible, we make right any wrong that we have done.

The process will depend upon the seriousness of the sin. "After true repentance, if forgiveness is not forthcoming, self-forgiveness can facilitate healing for the transgressor. Offenders must forgive themselves in order to restore self-respect or complete the process of reconciliation where reconciliation is possible" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Below are the steps to forgiveness as stated by Worthington:

Recall the hurt. It is human nature to try to protect ourselves from pain. In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury.
Empathize. Empathy involves borrowing the lens of another person so we see something from their point of view. In order to forgive, it is important to understand the transgressor's feelings.
Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness. Forgiving with altruism is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of his or her own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when he or she was freely forgiven.
Commit publicly to forgive. The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he or she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person.
Hold on to forgiveness. After completing the forgiveness process, victims may still be haunted on occasion by the pain of defense. During this stage it is important to move forward. It is important for the victim to remember that having forgiven, he or she has promised that there will be no paybacks or grudges.

Read this quote by Elder Richard G. Scott:

"The beginning of healing requires childlike faith in the unalterable fact that Father in Heaven loves you and has supplied a way to heal. His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, laid down His life to provide that healing. But there is no magic solution, no simple balm to provide healing, nor is there an easy path to the complete remedy. The cure requires profound faith in Jesus Christ and in His infinite capacity to heal."

Activity: One Man's Junk is Another Man's Treasure.

Go to the local thrift store and give each other $5. See who can come up with the best item for your money.

Treat: Molten Chocolate Cake

You can find the direct recipe link here.

Ingredients:

4 squares Baker's semi-sweet chocolate
1/2 cup butter
1 cup powdered sugar
2 whole eggs
2 egg yokes
6 tbsp flour
1/2 cup thawed cool whip topping

Directions:

Heat oven to 425 degree F.
Butter 4 small custard cups; place on baking sheet.
Microwave chocolate and butter in large microwaveable bowl on high 1 min. or until butter is melted; whisk until chocolate is completely melted. Stir in sugar. Add whole eggs and egg yolks; mix well. Stir in flour. Spoon into prepared cups.
Bake 13 to 14 min. or until sides of desserts are firm but centers are still soft. Let stand 1 min. Carefully run small spatula or knife around cakes to loosen; invert into dessert plates. Serve warm with cool whip.

Resources:

Dessert: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/molten-chocolate-cakes-69182.aspx

Lesson #10: Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: From Homes of Saints Glad Songs Arise #297

Lesson: Wholesome Family Recreation

Family life can be very complicated with all of the demands associated. The expectation to do wholesome activities together doesn't make it easier. However, the time and effort required in wholesome recreation is well worth the effort.

Ask the following questions:

How do you as couple feel you are spending your time?
Are you both happy with this aspect of your marriage?

It has been understood that the most influential constraint directly influencing wholesome family recreation is time. Overworking directly affects the family and adds stress and reduces opportunities for positive wholesome interaction. Demands are increasing in the family and the result is less time together as families for wholesome recreation. As we experience the time crunch, we are more likely to engage in recreation that proves a sense of escape which can include activities like surfing the internet, texting, watching tv, and playing video games.

As a couple, figure out how much time during the week you spend doing the above "escape" activities. Does it surprise you?

In today's society, more and more people and spending their leisure time indoors instead of going outdoors and working and playing together. "In general, research suggests that nature plays an important role in promoting health and well-being" (Hawkins, Dallahite, Draper).

There are three forms of recreation: parallel, joint, and independent. Parallel involve multiple members of the family doing the same thing but not interacting with each other. This can include watching movies and tv. Joint activities involve high levels of communication and interdependence and can include activities like canoeing, tennis, chess, and rock climbing. Independent activities are those done alone.

"Research suggests that joint activities lead to the highest marital satisfaction. Parallel have a small positive effect on marital satisfaction, while independent activities may have a negative effect, especially for wives. Joint activities strengthen relationships by promoting interaction, communication, and cooperation" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Discuss how often during the week you have family meals together. If not every night, what are the reasons for not?

Having family meals together has also been found to be beneficial for families. "Positive outcomes to family meals can include: communication, cohesiveness, healthy eating patterns, improved literacy, better academic performance and better mental health" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Wholesome family recreation has been shown to provide benefits to marriages and families across a lifespan. It is important to carefully chose how to spend your precious leisure time as a family. Thoughtfully plan activities in order to create meaningful and strengthening experiences for your family.

Closing Prayer:

Activity: For this activity, decide a joint activity that you as a couple can do together. This can include things like rock climbing, riding bikes, going on a hike, rollerblading, ice skating, sledding, etc. Try something new that you have never done before as a couple. If you don't have time to do the activity during FHE, set a time during the week that you can complete that activity.

Treat: Stripped Delight

You can find the direct link to the recipe here.

Ingredients:

35 Oreo cookies
6 Tbsp. butter, melted
1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. cold milk
1 tub (12 oz) cool whip
2 pkg. (3.9 oz each) chocolate instant pudding
3 1/4 cup milk

Directions:

Process cookies in food processor until fine crumbs form. Transfer to medium bowl; mix in butter. Press onto bottom of 13x9-inch dish. Refrigerate until ready to use.
Whisk cream cheese, sugar and 2 Tbsp. milk in medium bowl until blended. Stir in 1 1/4 cups cool whip; spread over crust.
Beat pudding mixes and 3 1/4 cups milk with whisk 2 min; pour over cream cheese layer. Let stand 5 min. or until thickened, cover with remaining cool whip.
Refrigerate 4 hours.

Resources:

Dessert: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/striped-delight-57649.aspx

Lesson #11: The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel #252

Lesson: The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

Ask this question: Is family work a God-ordained necessary evil?

Ordinary housework may often be considered a waste of time but in reality, it can be a time of closeness and fun that strengths the bonds of families as wells as develops Christlike virtues.

The work that we do as families provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs. It teaches us to love and serve another and invites us to be like Jesus Christ himself.

Watch the following video:

Read this quote given by Elder Neal A. Maxwell:

"The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, purity......cannot be developed in the abstract. These require clinical experiences.....Nor can these attributes be developed in a hurry."

Think about what you do on a weekly basis as far as cleaning. Does one spouse do more than another? Do you have a chore list? Do you divide the list evenly? Do you do the housework together?

"When family members work together in the right spirit, a foundation of caring and commitment grows out of their shared experience. The most ordinary tasks, like fixing meals or doing laundry, hold great potential for connecting us to those we serve and with whom we serve" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Read this quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell:

"The home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate concern and love one for another."

As a couple, share a story or experience as a child that involved doing housework as a family. Did you find that experience enjoyable?

President Henry B. Eyring has promised that if we seek opportunities to work in behalf of others, "the Atonement working in our lives will produce in us the love and tenderness we need" (Erying, 1986).

Family work becomes a joyful blessing when not seen as a burden. "Daily rituals of cooking, packing, lunches, washing dishes, making beds, folding laundry, weeding gardens, sweeping floors, and countless other prosaic tasks are the invisible glue that can bind families together" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper). Instead of asking how to make such work go away, we should ask how we can use it to increase love and joy in our families.

Closing Prayer

Activity: Couple Chores

For the activity this week, sit down as a couple and write out a list of chores that need to be done that week. As a couple, decide which chore you would like to do on that list and complete the chore together for the activity. For the rest of the chores on the list, plan a time when you both can complete all of them later that week.

Dessert: Triple-Layer Peanut Butter Brownies

You can find the direct link the recipe here.

Ingredients:

1 pkg. (19 to 21 oz) brownie mix (13x9-inch pan size)
1 pkg. (3.4 oz) vanilla flavor instant pudding
1 cup cold milk
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1-1/2 cups Cool Whip topping (do not thaw)
3 oz. Baker's semi-sweet chocolate
1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts, coarsely chopped

Directions:

Prepare and bake brownies in 13x9-inch pan as directed on package; cool. Meanwhile, beat pudding mix and milk with whisk 2 min. Add peanut putter and sugar; mix well. Refrigerate until brownies are completely cooled.
Spread over brownies.
Microwave Cool Whip and chocolate in microwaveable bowl on HIGH 1 min., stirring every 30 seconds. Spread over pudding; top with nuts. Refrigerate 1 hour before serving.

Resources:

Dessert: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/triple-layer-peanut-butter-brownies-111263.aspx

Lesson #12: The Eternal Family

Opening Prayer

Opening Song: Families Can be Together Forever #300

Lesson: The Eternal Family: A Plain and Precious Part of the Plan of Salvation.

From the creation and beginning of times, God organized the human family and revealed that families are sacred and are to be eternal. Read the following passage given by President Gordon B. Hinckley:

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

Watch the following video:

Eternal life is more than just living forever. President Henry B. Eyring stated, "Eternal life means to become like the Father and to live in families in happiness and joy forever" (1998).

God and His plan are eternal. He instituted marriage and family from the beginning and created the earth and our first parents in order for all of His children to be born into the experience of mortal life. The great plan of happiness is God's plan for happiness now and in our eternal life. God has commanded us to marry and to multiply and replenish the earth. Marriage and families are eternal and the priesthood keys have been given to the prophets on this earth to seal and in heaven.

Ask the following question:

What are some of the blessings that you have received from having an eternal marriage?

"The eternal nature of the marriage covenant and the promise of everlasting family association are among the most beautiful and essential doctrines of the restored gospel. From the time of Adam and Eve and on to the present day, God's covenant people rejoice in the plain and most precious doctrine of eternal families" (Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper).

Closing Prayer

Activity: Doorbell Surprise!

For this activity, make some treats (see below) and go to a neighbor that may have just moved in or a couple that you may not know very well. Ring the doorbell and introduce yourselves and give them the plate of goodies. If the couple is not there, write a little note and leave it with the goodies. You will be amazed at how fast friendships can bloom!

Treat: Nutter-Butter Banana Cookie Balls

You can find the direct link to the recipe here.

Ingredients:

1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
25 Nutter Butter Cookies, finely crushed (about 3 cups)
1/3 cup mashed ripe bananas
2 pkg. (8 squares each) Baker's semi-sweet chocolate, melted
1/2 cup cocktail peanuts, finely chopped.

Directions:

Mix cream cheese, cookie crumbs and bananas until well blended.
Shape into 48 (1-inch) balls. Dip in chocolate; place in single layer in shallow waxed paper-lined pan. Sprinkle with nuts.
Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm.

Resources:

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0j-_f4oRuWI

Treat: http:/www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/nutter-butter-banana-cookie-balls-121574.aspx